my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
