you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
