he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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