my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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