Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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