and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
