you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My life is pants optional.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
