you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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