high people should be assigned attendants
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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