I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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