cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
