I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
