Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He has the fingertips of a God
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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