Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
