Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
