im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
