don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
