can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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