Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
