i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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