we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
