No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize