hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
