You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
