Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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