Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
