I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
