My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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