What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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