We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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