Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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