I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
