im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
