And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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