i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
