Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
