well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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