Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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