wrigley field is MILF paradise
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
