Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
not ubering you a puppy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
