I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
