just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize