i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
