3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
