Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
