i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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