Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
