She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
