his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
