i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
