I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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