drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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