She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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