I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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