Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
