i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
