I just threw up on my dentist
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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