Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
