rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
