The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
