He passed out mid-signature
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
