Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
