I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
