I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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