I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
