Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
