You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I smell like Dick and happiness
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
