Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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