meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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