i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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