i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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