I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you inspire me to be a worse person
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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