my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize