Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
