he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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