HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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