At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
