Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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