In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
