come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
