nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
